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spam me :]

Answer here

Yesterday i was thinking to myself "whats wrong with me?" i feel as if i will never be elegable to answer that question i through in my head every day. Being afraid of who you have become is a cruel thought. WHy would somone be afraid of themself, or better yet why would somone not love them self. If you cant love your self how will you love somone els? as i ask again. whats wrong with me?

yes, i have ruend alot of friendships in my past. friends come and go. but, in this case i was the bad friend each time. every single time.. i know that i am changed. i wont take anyone for granted. i promise. before i had moved i thought that i was just a screw up and that that was just an exuse for my problems. well you cant always hide and hide from the person you really are. and if your hidding then theirs somthing your doing wrong. and maybe you should change that? i did. sure it was hard to change from a druggadict and a drinker and a screw up and a peice of shit. but you know what? it was worth every penny. and id do it all over if i truly had to. God has put me down his path and i am going to walk with him.

can you feel it?

why am i here Lord?

He is getting married, some reason i am happy for him.

2009

Between his four walls is where we sat amongst his bed. Our days few by while learning from another, and our energy never ran out. Usually I would observe him and discover his beauty as he would secretly do the same. Running my fingers through his soft thick hair as I put him to sleep, the peaceful hour was too sweet to rest for I would stay awake until the moon rose upon his window sheers. His room was like a magical world, almost as if everything was perfect and untouchable. Love which seemed to not escape his four walls was like I had been lucky for the first time, to be able to have such a romantic weekend that no one could touch. His arms were what taunted my heart strings to say “I love you to”. Well, what more is there to say when a human being is deeply in love? These moments we shared in his room were met to come to an end in some point in time. And from then on I tried to get that same feeling back and it yet remains uncovered inside me.

Today

Had a garage sale, desided that i wanted a few clothes back. Played monopoly with a little girl next door. Cut up a wattermelon and tastes amazing! But just ass i thought in my head lastnite its happining.I'm stupid.i never learn.never will. stop doing this to me.ugh im sick of my life.